hot take: jake peralta is bi and john mulaney plays his ex boyfriend from high school in season six of brooklyn nine-nine
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john mulaney plays a rockin’ twink
John Mulaney: *to himself* What would Leonard Bernstein do?
Captain Holt: *to Jake, quietly* I support your and Amy’s relationship with my whole heart but why on earth would you give up a man like that
I don’t even go here (just like… my toes) and I want this, specifically with all these tages from @bosstoaster
#The episode would be Amy getting jealous not of John and Jake but that he has so many interests in common with Holt#So she spends the whole time trying to win back the Captain#Meanwhile Rosa is on a warpath at Jake#Because she told HIM about her sexuality and stuff and had EMOTIONS#And he didn’t tell HER#How DARE he
“look, it’s not like i hid anything, it just never came up!”
“You called yourself out for ‘straighsplaining’“
the whole bi thing goes completely over charles’ head and he keeps getting really aggro like “oh you and jake were real close huh?? too bad, sucker jake is MY best friend!”
everybody else is like “charles no”
at the end john mulaney turns out to be the embezzler they’ve been looking for
The only way Jake Overshare Peralta, Jake TMI Peralta, Jake Heart-On-His-Sleeve Peralta would fail to bring up the fact that he is bi, is if he himself were oblivious to the fact.
Come on @morthils this isn’t Gina Linetti we’re talking about. Stay in character.
The only way Jake would have had a high school boyfriend and not told Amy and Holt is if Jake himself did not realize that this dude was his boyfriend.
He would describe the relationship to Amy and she’d be like, “So you guys were dating” and he’d be like “It wasn’t like that that” and she’d be like:
:|
and Jake would be like, OH MY GOD. I HAD A BOYFRIEND IN HIGH SCHOOL. WHY DID NOBODY TELL ME THIS.
Lots of “practice kissing” was involved.
Jake’s mom is absolutely That Overly Supportive Parent with the bumper sticker and the flag who never actually like, talks to her son about it.
“I just thought she was really liberal!”
“Look, everyone has celebrity crushes! Like the entire cast of Infinity War. And some male models. And random good looking people on the street. And sometimes you’re handcuffing a guy with his hands in front and you lock eyes and your faces are close and you can smell his cologne and aftershave and ohhhh ok yup I see it now. Cool. Cool. Cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool. Yeah, I’m definitely bi.”
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two characters: have a sun/moon dichotomy going on
me: (wheezing, grappling for breath) i am but a humble peddler, besotted by thy starlike metaphor,
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i understand the historical reasons why English is the most common language
but if I was writing a speculative fiction novel
and I said “the language that most people learn as a second language, usually for professional reasons, is also the only one with a spelling system so terrible that spelling words correctly is a broadcasted competition”
you’d be like “extremely unrealistic 0/10”
i never thought of this, do other languages not have spelling bees?
What
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Eating fruit is okay
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I just spit all over myself from this😭🙏😂😂 omg
Oh my fucking GOD
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straight dude: what if my d&d character was like really violently homophobic. not because i am but like it would be dark and edgy
me: (internally) oscar wilde was right
in reference to this quote (tho he was also just right in general)
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I LOVE THAT THEY KEEP PICKING UP MORE OMG
Man, The Spiderverse movie looks rough as hell.
can you imagine being at this con dressed as spiderman and this caravan passes by and you’re like “…I gotta go” and leave your friends in the dust
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Thinking about becoming one of those awful steampunk rappers except that all my songs are about the actual Victorian era so it’s all shit like “they tell me my workers are a bit too young / but I say they’re middle-aged, on account of the black lung”
“I got rhythm, got flow, got plenty of gumption / coughing blood on the street, call that conspicuous consumption”
OP when does your next album drop
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Judgy voice: You like fantasy?
Me, extenally: Yes, it creates a safe space to talk about politics and allows us to understand people in situations we couldn’t understand and creates empathy.
Me, internally: Dragons :)))))))
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god im reading a text about romance fiction (especially targeted at young adults) for class and one sentence in it literally made my brain explode because ive been thinking about this kind of stuff too, how “Many people wouldn’t fall in love if they’ve never heard about it before.” and like…imagine there was no ideal/overaccentuated image of love and romance painted in postmodern mass media….how would we love? would it be purer? more authentic? what would we do differently? would we fall in love at all if we werent constantly being fed an ideal concept of love as the norm in mass media? like what is a natural process of human feelings and what is just a projection of how we want to love and want to be loved based on what we’ve seen on tv and read in books etc? in this essay i will
w … wh … where’s the rest of the essay, op?
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mowilleno
me as a strapping elementary schooler: haha you study to do good in tests? can’t relate
me, now living with the consequences: hehhahhheha…….. so um.. how do u do that.….. um ….. study thing. how does that happen
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im extremely nosy but i dont have loose lips and thats the best combination tbh im not here to spread rumors or hurt anyone im only in it for the knowledge of everyone’s business i wont tell anybody but i NEED to possess ALL of the secrets
me hearing all the different sides of the story because everyone involved has told me directly what their take on the situation is but not saying anything and just watching it unfold like a intensely dramatically ironic shakespearean play with an audience of one (1) which is ME
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Jay Pharaoh’s John Mulaney impression
Holy shit
That wasn’t an impression John Mulaney possessed him
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every other youtuber: *channel inevitably dies due to scandal*
jenna marbles: “we found out that my dog has a soap fetish, so here’s him reviewing different soap brands + we made him bed out of soap bars”